I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
