I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
