Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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