Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
