just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize