it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
