I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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