Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
