I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
