Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
