If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
