your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so let's talk penis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
