I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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