Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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