Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
