My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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