last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
