just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
