Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
