It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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