you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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