New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
