All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
