Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Terrible idea I love it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
