Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This baby is an asshole
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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