Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
