I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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