His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am one with the molecules
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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