i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
