You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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