Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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