Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize