thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
