I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
