somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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