She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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