when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
