I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
