Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He shit in the fireplace
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
