I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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