Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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