And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
