So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This house was built for laser tag.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize