Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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