i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
