6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize