I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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