Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need moral support for this bender
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize