Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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