Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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