chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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