he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
