I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize