i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
