His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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