so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
