I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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