Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
