Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
God gave him joint rollers for hands
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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