We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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