If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
