I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
