Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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