I think I won the penis lottery.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
