i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
