so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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