i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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