I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
