I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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