My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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