so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
