so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
