Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize