my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
