I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
