I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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