My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
