I think I died a long time ago.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
