Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wakey wakey hands off snakey
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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