i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
