He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
