i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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