I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
