I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
