Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He has the fingertips of a God
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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