I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize