You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
