You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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