So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
