Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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