im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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