I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
