Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize