What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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