anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
