mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
