this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pants are for mortals
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
