I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
