quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
