Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
