I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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