i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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