Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
