The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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