Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
